I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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