I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
