so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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