Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
