using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
