i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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