Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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