You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
