the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
