Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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