nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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