They should really pass out barf bags in church
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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