I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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