I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
oh god the rape fog is back!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
