You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
