And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
