dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
