STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
