theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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