3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
