a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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