yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
