If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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