is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
