Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just google imaged poop.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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