As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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