4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
