this beer tastes like vomit already
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
