i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
