conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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