eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
