saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
