I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
