theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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