I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
