he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize