Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
