The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
