i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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