i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
