living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I believe in your delicious
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
