i jhust puked up my retainher.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
