farters have to be the big spoon...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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