Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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