I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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