I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
