Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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