I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
