It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
