Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
