my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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