the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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