when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
