hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
