You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
