I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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