Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
