God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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