just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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