Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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