We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
