do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
