I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
