He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I will be naked everywhere
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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