i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
