Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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