Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
